0 Pretzels. Do not, under any circumstances, make this drink.
IF you were to make this drink, here’s what you need:
Gin – It’s okay with a mixer but, man, when you separate it from the pack and give it a good hard look, it’s awful. It needs something else to blend in. Kinda like Mary Louise
Cherry Bitters – Heavy emphasis on bitter, y’all. Cherry Bitters seems like it might be alright, but in actuality it is hot garbage. I don’t even see the point in it. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Grappa – It will burn you to your very core. It is awful ALL the way down. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Homemade Moonshine – It’s just there to make you sweat and feel bad about yourself. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Sweet Vermouth – Y’all, nothin’ sweet about it. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Dregs from an old pipe – Mostly I just wanted to feature my dope pipe, but let’s roll with it, shall we? Tobacco dregs – old, crusty, probably still smells good. Kinda like Mary Louise. Hey, say what you will about her, but I bet the lady’s hygiene is on point.
And that’s it. You just mix all this crap together, toss it back, stalk and lure in a sexual assault victim with pictures of your stupid son, and then berate her in public. Or how about you don’t? It’s WAY easier and less horrifying to have a Monterey Mint and stay ya’ ass at home instead.
All right, Lynx & LeRouxnatics, we’re approaching the back half of the season and I, for one, can’t wait to see what these gals get up to tonight. Whatever it is, it’s sure to be dramatic.
Okay, byeeeeeeee!
Smoky Lynx
Holland + Harper Productions 