0 Pretzels. Do not, under any circumstances, make this drink.
IF you were to make this drink, here’s what you need:
Gin – It’s okay with a mixer but, man, when you separate it from the pack and give it a good hard look, it’s awful. It needs something else to blend in. Kinda like Mary Louise
Cherry Bitters – Heavy emphasis on bitter, y’all. Cherry Bitters seems like it might be alright, but in actuality it is hot garbage. I don’t even see the point in it. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Grappa – It will burn you to your very core. It is awful ALL the way down. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Homemade Moonshine – It’s just there to make you sweat and feel bad about yourself. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Sweet Vermouth – Y’all, nothin’ sweet about it. Kinda like Mary Louise.
Dregs from an old pipe – Mostly I just wanted to feature my dope pipe, but let’s roll with it, shall we? Tobacco dregs – old, crusty, probably still smells good. Kinda like Mary Louise. Hey, say what you will about her, but I bet the lady’s hygiene is on point.
And that’s it. You just mix all this crap together, toss it back, stalk and lure in a sexual assault victim with pictures of your stupid son, and then berate her in public. Or how about you don’t? It’s WAY easier and less horrifying to have a Monterey Mint and stay ya’ ass at home instead.
All right, Lynx & LeRouxnatics, we’re approaching the back half of the season and I, for one, can’t wait to see what these gals get up to tonight. Whatever it is, it’s sure to be dramatic.