Hey Bookworms! Do you ever watch those ghost hunting shows on basic cable? They always have a presentation of the evidence that they’ve discovered at the end of the episode and without fail they have captured footage of some orbs floating around. The skeptical ghost hunter insists that it’s dust and the true true believer is always convinced it’s a sign that General Tecumseh Hogsqauble was in the room with them THE WHOLE TIME. I was always convinced that those were the only two orb explanations possible. Either you needed a Swiffer or you had a 200 year old soldier chilling in your laundry room daydreaming about what a Tide Pod tastes like. As it turns out, if you spot an orb outside, there are a couple of other orbsplanations available.
So, let’s say you’re out just a wanderin’ around the woods one night and you see a glowing ball of light in the distance. It could be a one person rave, which is kind of sad but not life threatening. Whatever makes a body’s glowstick gleam is their business, ya feel me? If you don’t hear even a little bit of techno echoing across the hills you have likely come across a Will ‘o the Wisp and that is much more troubling. See, Will ‘o the Wisp are these disembodied blobs of light that float around darkened wooded pathways and beckon you to follow them. If you do follow they will do one of two things, they either guide you to an adventure that will help you to overthrow the patriarchy and embrace your true destiny like the one in Brave did or they will lead you right into a swamp or a bog where you will sink to your death while it bobs gleefully about watching you take your last gurgling breath.
You don’t know which plan the Will ‘o the Wisp has on its agenda until you follow, so no matter what you should know that if you get all caught in the magic of the moment and choose to chase one there is at least a 50% chance that you’re gonna die terribly, and if anyone ever finds your body, they are certainly going to think you’re a dummy who can’t tell a walking path from a murder lagoon. They will judge you and they will be well within their rights.
Nobody actually knows where Will ‘o the Wisps came from but my favorite explanation is that they are the souls of people who have been deemed too evil to enter heaven or hell, so they’re forced to spend their afterlife haunting the earth. There’s this one story about a blacksmith named Will who was just the most atrociously awful person ever. When Saint Peter booted him down to hell the Devil was like, “Nah, girl. Get to steppin. I’m not trying to mess with you. Here’s a lump of coal to light your way through the spirit world or whatever. Peace!”
I guess, once Satan himself says that you’re a little too hardcore for his tastes you just do whatever you want. So Will decided to use the Devil’s charcoal to prank unsuspecting people for the rest of his afterlife. Which…seems mean and extra but many people say that’s the origin of the Will ‘o the Wisp. They have been spotted all over the world for hundreds of years, so if you’re the outdoorsy type, you may just come across one some summer night. Bookworms, I beseech you! Don’t be a dummy. Do not follow the murder light. Because, well, murder. In fact why not stay inside this summer just to be safe? A whole new season of Veronica Mars just dropped and it’s full of safe, fictional murder. In fact, I’m going to start recapping it next week. So for Heaven’s sake stay alive, stay inside, and enjoy some quality time with Veronica. I’ll see you in Neptune, marshmallows!