Double Dicks!

Veronica Mars Season 4

4 Pretzels

Alright guys, who’s ready for some Dick? Not just Old Shriveled Dick but the Dick Classic that we all know and tolerate. At the opening of the episode we get to catch up with Dick Classic and we find out what he’s been up to. It’s not personal growth, I’ll tell you that much, but it is good to see him. It’s less good to see Old Shriveled Dick who introduces Veronica and Logan to his right hand man Clyde. Clyde is a sharp one. He met OSD in prison where he was doing time for bank robbery. OSD likes to talk a big game about how hard prison made him but flashbacks reveal that he was just as flaccid as you would expect. He made a deal with Clyde. He would help Clyde out on the outside and Clyde would keep his sorry ass alive while they did time. 

I think I like Clyde. Veronica and Logan are impressed too but dude is up to something. Mark my words. Also up to something are the two Mexican hitmen who have been sent to Neptune to find out who killed the young dorky guy in the bombing and send the bomber’s head back to Mexico. First they experience some casual racism at the beach. Then they kick some people’s asses and get down to business. They’re going to find Gabriel’s crew and get some clues about his killer. Keith and Veronica make it to the D&D crew first. They get no useful information but Veronica does get hit on constantly by the dork king.

Our hitmen come by right after and are less interested in clues and more interested in a name. They rough the kids up until they give them the name of Gabriel’s frenemy and then our charming but psychotic hitmen go in search of the unsuspecting King Pagirsky who most certainly didn’t have anything to do with the bomb.

Veronica and Keith are off to do some more ethical detecting. They’ve been hired by Rich Guy’s hot congressman brother and they can always use the money. They realize that all but one of the victims were at Comrade Quacks the night before the bombing and go talk to Nicole. They don’t learn anything but they do get to talk to/look at Nicole who Veronica (and I) are crushing on. While Mars Investigations go talk to Penn the Pizza Man about some fairly insulting tweets he posted our Chief of Police is trying to interrogate the daughter of the Sea Sprite owner, Maddy. the girl has got some mad skills though and slips right out of the police station while the Chief is distracted. I hate that for the Chief who is hilarious and probably a legit good cop. 

Oh, and Veronica is frustrated with Logan for not being upset that she flat turned down his marriage proposal. Logan has been working his butt off to deal with his anger issues so they don’t destroy him from the inside but this calm supportive Logan is leaving Veronica feeling a little cold. She misses his unpredictable flashes and also being able to pretend that she’s the emotionally healthy one in the relationship. Having to face her own brokenness is deeply uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Keith and Veronica talk to Penn the Pizza Man and discover that he’s an armchair investigator who thinks he can solve the case. Veronica needs him to take down the tweets that insult Keith’s skills and so do I. You do not slander Keith Mars, Penn. You are dead wrong and I have lost respect for you. Also, keep Lilly Kane’s name out of your mouth. You are pushing me.

I also have no respect for the family of Rich Guy’s fiance. They are a band of crazed rednecks who insist that Rich Guy took back his fiance’s engagement ring after she died. They think they’re entitled to it and are looking to crack some rich people noggins to get it back but the unbearable rich people insist they don’t have it. Keith and the Chief show up and boot the rednecks out but they crazies track down the Riches at their hotel room and threaten them again. I officially hate these money grubbing heathens for making me sympathize with the truly awful Riches for even a millisecond. Luckily, Logan has stopped by the hotel suite to pick up  Veronica’s expense check and he proceeds to lay the smack down on both brothers in a manner that would impress even the Rock. Logan earns himself a side gig as the congressman’s security guard.

Maddy doesn’t want to chat with Veronica and leads her on a wild goose chase that has Veronica feeling begrudgingly impressed. Maddy has a theory that the bomb was planted in the hotel’s vending machine so she goes to the vending machine office to demand answers. The owners of the vending machine business are the villainous Fitzpatrick family so they are unimpressed with her fiery teen bravado and give her no information. She foolishly vandalizes a whole bunch of the machines and is nearly murdered by the Fitzpatricks before Veronica rolls up like a badass to save her.

Maddy is grateful but she still doesn’t want to talk to Veronica or anyone else for that matter so she bounces as soon as she’s safe. Veronica recognizes a kindred spirit in Maddy and is hoping to help her before her anger and grief harden her into someone very similar to Veronica. I get it. Veronica is smart and capable and wonderful but she has a lot of trouble trusting people and is almost impossible to truly know. If she can’t save herself then maybe she can help Maddy. It’s a noble idea that I’m not sure will work.

As our episode wraps up we see that Pizza Man Penn is spewing his conspiracy theories on a cable news show. Specifically he is suggesting that hot congressman planted the bomb to get his little brother’s fiance out of the way. Our psychotic hitmen are intrigued by this news and wonder if their boss wants them to kill a congressman now? It turns out that King Pigirsky is not the guy which is unfortunate  because as the episode closes we pan over to the bar and King’s severed head. The robotics teams is really taking some losses this spring break. The plot thickens y’all!