Alright, Marshmallows, we have reached the end of season one. Here are my thoughts and feelings, but first, some housekeeping.
Ladies, if someone sends you a text that reads ‘I think UR kewl’, they are most assuredly not your soulmate.
Okay, moving on.
This season has a few running themes:
- Who is Veronica’s father?
- Who killed Lily Kane?
- How can Logan Echols get any worse?
We get answers to all three, y’all. But first I want to highlight the episodes.
Episode 16: The Missing Mascots
Weevil is my favorite and when he said, “Someone’s going to H E double hockey sticks” he solidified his number one spot.
I also love Wallace and I’m glad he got some love this episode. And he totes figured out that V was the one leaving him spirit boxes, so maybe he has a future in detective work.
So, the mascots have been stolen and there’s a lot of money riding on the big game. I have had gambling explained to me no fewer than one hundred times and I have no idea how it works. I comprehend it for roughly fifteen seconds before it evaporates. All I know is, a parrot was held hostage and Veronica saved the day!
Episode 17: The other PI
Vincent Varlowe is hysterical. That’s all I have on this one.
Episode 18: Oooooooh, girl. Is that JTT? (Yep. It is.)
This episode was tricky for me. It could be that we live in a dumpster fire where mass shootings happen every few days, but the school bombing episode was tough for me. You know what else was tough for me? Logan and Veronica kissing at the end of this episode. If he ain’t the worst…
Anyway, JTT. He’s an ATF agent who is working undercover because he still looks like a baby. And the ATF needs V’s help. That’s right. A federal agency sends a teenage girl into the nest of a suspected terrorist. That seems super legit and safe. But, once again, V saved the day!
Also, her dad has started dating Wallace’s mom. Which is hella awkward because they’re friends, but also because Veronica just gave up her college savings to put Mama Mars in rehab so they could be a family again. I can’t wait to see how that turns out.
Episode 19: Aaron Echols is a lunatic
Logan’s sister is in town. She’s having issues with her boyfriend. Aaron proceeds to beat him almost to death before casually asking Logan, who’s low key dating Veronica, how his day was.
Episode 20: In which Veronica comes up with the worst plan ever and her new client delivers the sickest of burns
A gal at school asks V for help because her boyfriend, who she is attempting to break up with, has some dirt on her. Turns out, that party from way back in episode one, was an absolute shit show. A bunch of people were drugged and raped/assaulted/used as a surface to do shots off of…just bad. So, we have a revenge porn situation. While her client is explaining this, she says something along the lines of, “If this gets out, I’ll be the next Paris Hilton.” Oooooh, girl. Paris Hilton was ON the show. Like, ten episodes ago. Y’all savage.
Veronica’s plan, tho, is wildly inappropriate. It is homophobic and just a nightmare. So, much like Logan’s frosted tips and pooka shell necklace, we’re going to pretend it didn’t happen. But, Veronica does find out that her new boyfriend is the one who was handing out the date rape drugs. Whomp. Whomp.
Episode 21: In which Logan is the worst
Oh, wait. No he wasn’t. Well, sort of. He didn’t drug Veronica. He just drugged Duncan, which is totes fine. Apparently. (IT’S NOT)
So, what had happened was, Logan was passing out GHB like it was candy. Veronica accidentally got dosed. Then she did what anyone who’s been given those drugs do, she blacks out and remembers nothing. She ends up in a spare bedroom. Duncan, who’s been dosed by his best pal, ends up in the same room. They have black out sex that neither of them are capable of consenting to. All of this is Logan’s fault. Oh, and remember how it’s possible that Veronica is at least half a Kane? Well, Duncan is a full Kane. He wakes up the next morning and, believing he’s slept with his half-sister, leaves. Because this ain’t Game of Thrones. The problem is, he’s left Veronica alone, having no idea what’s happened.
Logan does a mediocre at best job of explaining his disgusting behavior when Veronica discovers he has a video camera above his bed. V freaks out and calls her ride or die. Come through, Weevil, come through. Veronica should ditch all the white dudes and exclusively hangout with Weevil and Wallace, which sounds like a spinoff series I would 100% watch.
Episode 22: In which all our questions are answered
Veronica isn’t the only Mars who’s interested in her parentage. Keith also had a test done and actually reads the results. He’s V’s dad! Hooray!
We also find out who killed Lily Kane. And, you guys, I did not see it coming. So, Logan’s tapes. He’s a disgusting person, but in this case, it kind of worked out. You see, Lily also discovered the tapes. So, she did a little filming of her own. V and Duncan, the worst person to watch the Lily sex tapes with, find them and watch them. IT WAS AARON ECHOLS. Girl. I mean, if you’re trying to get back at your boyfriend, I guess sleeping with dad and recording it is one way to go.
Aaron found out, of course. Went to her house to confront her and killed her. Duncan came home, found her, and because of his blackout rage episodes, his parents assumed he did it and lied to protect him.
Veronica figures ALL of this out, gets in her car, and leaves to meet up with her dad. But she doesn’t check her backseat. Ladies, always check your backseat. There might be a handsome lunatic back there.
Shenanigans ensue. Keith Mars saves the day. Oh, and V sends Mama Mars packin’ because she discovered she didn’t finish rehab and she’s drinking constantly.
We end season one with Keith in the hospital with Wallace’s mom at his side, Logan on a bridge doing god knows what, and Veronica answering the door looking pleased as punch.
You guys, I’m hooked. So, stay tuned for season two.