Veronica Mars Season 4 Episode 3
5 Pretzels
Hey Marshmallows! This episode is a lot of fun and filled with a lot of information so get ready for a long one. It starts out with Veronica on a very early morning run. She’s doing her sardonic internal monologue when a young hooligan makes the mistake of trying to mug her. I say try because this is Veronica Cussing Mars we’re talking about. She identifies him as a PCHer, lectures him on respecting women, disarms him, lights him up with her stun gun, steals his bag of loot, takes a photo of him all sprawled out on the ground, and steals his wallet then shoos him on his way. I do love this girl. She checks the kid’s wallet and find that is is just brimming with crisp hundies and begins to suspect that OSD is behind the crime wave that’s currently sweeping through Neptune to gain support for his ridiculous beautification movement. What a cussing Dick move. This whole scene is great and calls to mind another, superior, young PCHer that we used to be friends with.
We pop in on Penn the Pizza Guy folding boxes at Cho’s Pizza and briefing Maddy on his wildly inaccurate theories about the bombing. Maddy ain’t buying it so Penn pivots to telling her the tale of Lilly Kane’s murder and Veronica’s quest to find her best friend’s killer. Before Penn can go further off the rails he’s called to the front to meet a couple of racist fanboys and a news crew. They would very much like him to spout some of his incendiary nonsense. Penn pontificates on his theory that when Tawny refused the payoff to dump Alex Maloof the Maloof family resorted to planting a bomb to get her out of the picture.
This obviously causes Daniel Maloof a huge amount of stress. A former smoker, he’s chewing nicotine gum faster than Dick chews scenery when Veronica and Keith show up to check in with him. We learn that while he’s not a bomber he is being blackmailed by some rightwing asshats. They have video of Daniel fluffing his fern with a cam girl and they’ve been using it to control his votes and undermine democracy as a whole. Daniel can’t take it anymore and plans to retire at the end of his term but the blackmailers aren’t having it. They’ve sent an email threatening to detonate another bomb if Daniel retires. It’s a tricky situation made even trickier by the fact that Penn publicized which hotel the Maloofs were staying at.
Alonzo and Dodi are thinking about sending Penn a fruit basket. He’s just been so damn helpful. Before they can go attack the Maloof suite Alonzo takes a break to flirt with an adorable lady that works at their hotel. They’re so cute it almost makes you forget that this guy is chopping heads faster than the Headless Horseman during his stay in Neptune.
Daniel goes down to the police station to be interviewed by a very beleaguered Chief Langdon with his personal security in tow. Logan feels a little bit like his old self in this episode. His sense of humor is back minus the blind rage. I’m really happy to see him. Logan is adorable the whole scene. He quotes Einstein, sasses Chief Langdon and refuses to get Daniel cigarettes before getting kicked out of the interview room. He discovers a very interesting picture of the would be mugger from the beginning of the episode vandalizing the Sea Sprite while he’s waiting. Logan also fills Veronica in on all of the Arabic conversations that the Maloofs don’t think he understands. Mama Maloof made the payoff offer by herself and also has no idea that Daniel is a fern fluffer.
Veronica orders a cheese pizza and some information from Penn and is invited to a murderheads meeting before Logan and Veronica have to run down to Comrad Quack’s to bring Dick some pants. He’s currently parading around in gold hotpants and a crown while leading a dance off. He’s the official king of spring break because of course he is and his whole scene is great. Veronica goes to get some surveillance footage from Nicole and practically swoons from all of Nicole’s swagger. Again, I’m with Veronica here. Nicole gives me the vapors. She also gives the Veronica, Logan, and Dick some ecstasy and they all have the best time. Veronica goes nuts with the t-shirt cannon and forces the DJ to play No Scrubs and it’s a hoot.
It’s less of a hoot the next morning when a hilariously wrecked Veronica get a visit from Keith. He taunts her hungover ass as any good father would and let’s her know he’s got a break in their grocery store case. An ex con run bakery is releasing the rats and Veronica wonders if the baker and OSD were in Chino at the same time. Then Maddy stops by the office. She did some research and her physics teacher (WALLACE!) vouched for Veronica so she shares her vending machine theory and the girls stake out the vending machine place. While they’re waiting they have a really sweet talk where Maddy asks if Veronica was angry when Lilly died and Veronica assures her that she was and still is furious. Then they snap some pics of their suspect and put Keith on finding out who the guy is.
Keith works some Mars magic and finds out that his name is Perry. Perry is a big fan of package bombs and did time in- you guessed it-Chino. Keith also tells Veronica that he’s getting her a fancy puke bucket with their family crest and motto (We used to be disgusted and now we try to be amused) etched into it. Then Keith shares his info on Perry with Chief Landon who ignores it until Keith leaves the room and then calls in a swat team.
Logan leaves Daniel with strict instructions not to leave his hotel room and goes to the murderhead meeting with Veronica. These murderhead people are such assholes. They way that they theorize about what happened to Lilly with no concern for the two people who loved her sitting five feet away is gross and something to remember the next time you get too heavy into a murder podcast. Also, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. If some mothercussers don’t keep Lilly’s name out their mouths I will drive my foot so hard and far up their asses that I will have to open their useless mouths to tie my shoe.
Daniel stays in his hotel room for about 30 seconds before he goes searching for nicotine. Alonzo and Dodi are ready and waiting to kidnap and murder him but someone beats them to it. It is a bad night to be Daniel Maloof. The redneck brothers from the last episode tie Daniel up and beat him near to death and refuse to stop until he gives them a hundred thousand dollars but then Dodi steals their van and Alonzo steals Daniel, who is so relieved until he isn’t. Daniel realizes that they also want to kill him and starts bargaining for his life. When news comes through on the radio that Perry was the bomber and blew himself up during a standoff with police Daniel think he’s good but it turns out he has to pay Alonzo and Dodi a hundred grand to let him live. They also agree to kill the redneck brothers though so it’s money well spent.
The next day Keith and Clyde pump each other for information and Clyde offers Keith a free appointment with a stellar orthopedic surgeon. Keith declines at first but finally gives in and receives truly wonderful care. I’m happy for Keith but now he owes Clyde a favor and I don’t trust that guy. Since Perry the package bomber has gone boom the Mars family meets the Maloofs to get a final check but when Alex asks if they truly believe Perry was responsible Veronica has to admit she doesn’t. It all felt too easy.
Then we go to the beach where Veronica, Nicole, and Wallace are watching Logan and Dick play volleyball against a pair of very young, very talented women. Logan holds his own but Dick gets his ass handed to him immediately. It’s a really good time. Logan and Veronica are sharing a smile over this when the second bomb goes off. The crowd panics and flees as Veronica slow mo walks toward the danger cursing her own excellent instincts the whole time.
We end the episode at a barbecue cute hotel lady has invited Alonzo to attend with her. She really wants him to meet her brother and I do too because her brother is Weevil. WEEVIL! I missed him so much! He’s sniffs Alonzo out immediately but tells him that as long as he doesn’t set any bombs off or break his sister’s heart they’re gonna be cool.
This is getting really intense guys. I’m so happy to have some Weevil and Wallace time but I do miss Mac. We aren’t going to see her this season which is a shame. I’m really into this mystery so far though. I have a feeling it’s going to get real scary in Neptune real quick but it looks like Vinny Van Lowe is in the next episode so I’m prepared to soldier on.
Holland + Harper Productions 