You guys, I love mysteries. I read them, I write them. I love them. So, I decided to give two of the big names in the genre Janet Evanovich and Donna Andrews.
I was…underwhelmed and disappointed.
Let’s begin with the problematic Janet Evanovich.
I read, well, tried to read, Wicked Appetite. Wicked Appetite is set in Salem. Lizzie is a baker at Dazzle’s Bakery. She makes hella goods cupcakes, partly because she’s magic. Or something. I got wrapped up on the descriptions of women like “she was sexy, but still innocent.” See, I hate that. It’s tired and it’s extra annoying when a woman does it.
So, Diesel is some dude who is collecting stones. Or something. He stalks Lizzie because he needs her help. By stalk I mean he breaks into her house and refuses to leave until she agrees to help him. Instead of calling the police, she goes to bed. The real issue is, so does he…with her. So, not only will homie not leave, he’s cozying up to her in bed until she agrees to help him. You guys, that’s not okay. But, you know, Lizzie goes along with it because Diesel is dangerously handsome. Emphasis on dangerous, y’all. Again, his behavior is appalling.
This is where I gave up. I could see where it was going and I don’t like it. Lizzie and Diesel will 100% be a couple by the end of the book. It’s disappointing at best, disturbing at worst.
On to Donna Andrews. I have been peeping Donna Andrews for a few months now. See, she writes books about bird murders. Or so I thought. I read 30% of the first book and had to stop. See, it was boring as hell.
Meg has been tasked with being maid of honor at not one, not two, but three weddings. She is the defacto planner for all three, all three brides are extra as hell, and then a lady dies. So, the dead lady. No one knows or likes her, so it doesn’t seem to matter. Meg’s dad does a very bizarre milk jug test to determine where the woman’s body went in the water. Despite having a police department, he enlists Meg’s help. She’s hella busy, so she brings the invitations along to work on them. While in a canoe. Girl, please.
Then there’s the man in the dress shop. The town suspects he is gay, so Meg doesn’t even try to get that. It is painfully obvious he isn’t gay and is super into Meg. Probably because she’s “strong for a woman” and is the least insane member of her family.
For a murder mystery, the book is really light on murder and mystery. It is essentially about an amateur wedding planner. My biggest issue is the way the author describes Meg. She’s “strong for a woman”, whatever that means. There are also a few damsel in distress moments which I don’t care for.
Basically, the best part about Donna Andrews is titles like “Six Geese a Slaying” and “Stork Raving Mad.” I live for the bird puns, I died a little when I read the text.