Monthly Archives: December 2019

Chestnut and I have Parted Ways

Okay, so riding a horse is hella hard. The trip down to the stables was easy peas. Tobias was just  finishing up putting the horse seat and handlebars on…oh my god, this sounds like a setup to a romance novel. It is not. He left to get back to ‘mother’ and I attempted to getContinue reading “Chestnut and I have Parted Ways”

In Which I Realize Who The Real Scrooge Was All Along

Wowzers y’all, this week has been a real holiday rollercoaster. I’ve been jumping at the slightest sound all week, so sure was I that I had finally crossed the line and pushed Smoky into murdering me. My room was filled with every Precious Moments figurine in the house but I still couldn’t sleep. I wouldContinue reading “In Which I Realize Who The Real Scrooge Was All Along”

Sweaters, Invisible Ink, Culottes…the Choices Are Endless

Since seeing the movie, I’ve told everyone I needed a nap around the time they’re about to start one of their asinine holiday festivities. Only a handful of these people even like me, so no one cares when I beg off so they can roast more chestnuts. These people are obsessed with nuts.

It’s Like Romeo and Juliet Up In Here

So, things have taken an unexpected turn this Christmas. Smoky and Delphine went for a joyride into town a few nights ago and Delphine reconnected with her on again/off again beau Johannes the elderly innkeeper. I know that doesn’t sound so bad but on the last go round they entered into a polyamorous situation withContinue reading “It’s Like Romeo and Juliet Up In Here”

Snowmobiles, Smowmobiles

Turns out snowmobiles are not that great. It’s impossible to maintain my aesthetic while plowing through snow. I lost an eyelash, my wig was askew, and, because of the cold wind, I was forced to zip my insulated jumpsuit all up to my neck. Look, I have killer collarbones. I’d like everyone to know that.Continue reading “Snowmobiles, Smowmobiles”

Is it Possible to Overdose on Mouthwash? Asking for a friend.

You guys! Christmas is only two weeks away and  I am having the best time. I built a snow bigfoot, Thurston, my favorite bear came to visit, and last night we all piled into great grandpa Artemis’ handmade sleigh and went for a ride while we looked at the stars. Smoky wasn’t interested in theContinue reading “Is it Possible to Overdose on Mouthwash? Asking for a friend.”

So, I Almost Got Eaten By a Bear…

Okay, so, turns out I’m in a small, picturesque town near Woodstock, Vermont. Oh, you haven’t heard of it? That’s because NO ONE HAS. Here’s an overview: Hallmark Christmas movies could be, and likely have been, filmed here, everyone is hella perky, and there’s an underlying tinge of weird. I can’t put my finger onContinue reading “So, I Almost Got Eaten By a Bear…”

It Was Only a Little Bit Criminal. What was a LeRoux to do?

Ok, Ok, Y’all. Did I slip a couple of crushed up valium into one of Smoky’s nightcaps, pack a go bag and haul her unconscious body onto my cousin Antoine’s private plane then abscond to Vermont with her? Yes. Yes, I absolutely did. BUT I did it for a good reason. See, Smokes always saysContinue reading “It Was Only a Little Bit Criminal. What was a LeRoux to do?”