So, things have taken an unexpected turn this Christmas. Smoky and Delphine went for a joyride into town a few nights ago and Delphine reconnected with her on again/off again beau Johannes the elderly innkeeper. I know that doesn’t sound so bad but on the last go round they entered into a polyamorous situation with Juanita who owns a very cute little candle shop in town.
The thing is, not everybody was emotionally prepared for the group dynamic and things, frankly, got very toxic before the thruple imploded. None of us wanted a drunken Johannes showing up at the house at 3:00 am singing love songs to try and win Delphine back again so this is not a great development.
Smoky had no way of knowing any of this but a lot of the family is holding her responsible for the mess. I have fought tooth and nail in her defense but everybody is still going out of their way to keep Delphine and Smoky apart. I feel just terrible. They had a true and truly confusing friendship. I was so happy for them both. Smoky has been hitting the mouthwash extra hard. She’s just drinking it out of a commemorative Smurfs tumbler from McDonald’s. I don’t even know where she got it but it feels like a physical manifestation of her sadness.
Anyway, I thought we could all go see a movie to try and cheer her up so we went to see Knives Out. It was amazing. You should all go check it out. Smoky seemed to have a pretty good time. When I asked her if she liked it she nodded and said, “Yeah, it gave me a lot of great ideas.” I assumed she meant for our next book and when I asked she looked at me blankly and said, “Yes, yeah. That was exactly what I was thinking of.” Then, she smiled at me. Like, really smiled. Full teeth, eyes sparkling with glee and secrets. Guys, it made my blood run cold. I’ve never seen her smile like that.
Then I got to thinking. Knives Out is about a mystery writer who turns up dead under potentially mysterious circumstances while his whole family is staying at his New England estate. I am a mystery writer currently spending the holidays with my family at a New England estate. I technically kidnapped Smoky and brought her with me and she has been forced to craft cocktails from oral hygiene tonics and wear natural fibers and flat heeled shoes for two weeks. She may also blame me for splitting up the whole Thelma and Louise vibe she had going with Delphine.
Have I pushed her too far? I mean, it’s not that I think Smoky would murder me. That would be totally absurd, right? Right? Maybe I’m just being paranoid. The house is riddled with secret passages, is all. She could roam through the place virtually undetected and God knows she’s a genius. Probably the semi sobriety has only sharpened her already razor sharp wits. She could get away with it. I know she could. We write mysteries for a living. She’s made for this stuff.
But no! No. I’m being silly. She would never hurt me. Just to be safe I’m going to surround my bed with Precious Moments dog figurines before I go to sleep is all. Smoky is physically repelled by them and it will make me feel better. I clearly just need to get a good night’s sleep and this will all seem crazy in the morning. Haha. Crazy, that’s exactly what it is. I’m off to collect some porcelain dogs just in case. Until next time!
Holland + Harper Productions 