Last week, the LeRoux clan and I went to see Knives Out. I was strategically placed away from both Delphine and Tobias. And what a blessing it was. First of all, Knives Out is a great film and, because I wasn’t distracted by my new friend or possible husband number eight, I was able to pay attention. I mean, I solved the mystery about a quarter way into the movie, but it gave me so many ideas. My newfound sobriety has made my situation much clearer, so I made a few mental notes. Plus, I will admit, being shrouded in cozy knits instead of corsets has upped my concentration ability. Y’all, it’s hard to take murder notes when you can barely breath.
Since seeing the movie, I’ve told everyone I needed a nap around the time they’re about to start one of their asinine holiday festivities. Only a handful of these people even like me, so no one cares when I beg off so they can roast more chestnuts. These people are obsessed with nuts. Anyway, LeRoux knows I don’t nap, so I’ve been putting some pillows in my bed and I also hide a cup of Listerine under the bedding to throw her off. It sounds juvenile, but it’s working. See, while we are friends, writing partners, and roommates, there is an underlying layer of fear there. The last thing she’ll want to do is wake me. So, I down the brown Listerine and hide the minty one in my bed to literally throw her off my scent. I need time to explore the secret passages.
Over the weekend, I discovered I can get to Delphine’s room via the library. So, we had a little party Saturday night. Her dude sneaked in, but then he suggested a thruple situation and that didn’t go so well. He and Delphine got into an argument, so we told him to go screw. Last night I found a passage from the butler’s pantry to the stables. Normally, I am not into being underground or horses; it’s just nice to know I can move around completely unnoticed. I mean, how else am I supposed to sneak into town to buy LeRoux’s Christmas gifts? She’s with me all the time. Time’s running out; so this evening, I’m going to sneak down to the stables. I’ve already stashed some clothes and money. The only flaw in my plan is transportation. I’ve already stolen a car once, so they’ll be on the look out for that. So, I’m going to ride a horse. Easy peas, right? I mean, I’ve never done it, but I’ve seen it done many a times. I’m a visual learner, so I’ll just wing it. Tobias – I also found a passage to his room – has agreed to meet me and help me put the seat thing and the handlebars on the horse. After that, I’m on my own. Tobias is super into all this Christmas cheer and I think his mom is on to me, so she’ll definitely notice if he and I are gone at the same time.
Now, the hard part is figuring out what to buy her. Like I said, the movie gave me a ton of ideas. I could get her a distressed sweater or invisible ink. Or maybe even some culottes. The possibilities are endless. Maybe I’ll get her a ceramic dog. She seems super into them lately. I’ve noticed that several of the dogs from the curio cabinet in my room are missing. No one else has been in my room, so it has to be her.
Okay, time for one more reconnaissance mission and then it’s go time.
Holland + Harper Productions 