Drag Race Eleganza: S12,E9

5 Pretzels.

“Jeff Goldblum is a dinosaur doctor. I don’t know if that’s his real life, but you gotta love a man who knows about dinosaurs.” – Jaida Essence Hall.

Was this one of my favorite episodes ever? Yep. Let’s get into it, shall we?

The Aftermath

Jan went home, and I was pretty shook up about it. This season of queens is so great that, with the exception of Sherry Pie, I’d like for all of them to stay. Please and thank you. Every week is just going to get harder.

The Mini Challenge: Hey, Kitty Girl

Our queens were tasked with impersonating kitty cats. Crystal started us off and stared at Ru while knocking a vase off a table. It was hilarious. Gigi was cute, but our girl Jackie took the win. She went full on Eartha Kit with it and it killed. My favorite thing about Jackie is her knowledge of ’60s era pop culture. Home girl may not have a clue what ’80s Madonna was like, but she was Eartha Kit. She deserved the win. For sure.

I’m not sure Heidi has ever been near a cat, but she was definitely something. And Widow took to the laser pointer like a champ.

The Main Challenge: First Drag President

Similar to the Season 8 challenge, our gals had to develop a political campaign and present it as if they were running for president. Raven stopped by and gave them a few pointers that some took and some didn’t. She gave Heidi the best slogan ever: Forget the GOP. Get with the G-A-P.

It was brilliant and I was shocked when Heidi didn’t run with it. I would have.

But, okay, let’s just go down the line:

Sherry Pie:

Crystal: her whole deal was to be weird and make America glitter again. She played to her strengths and it paid off.

Jackie: Our lady Cox is Canadian. She had a funny idea about dropping in Canada jokes, but took it too far. It just got predictable. She looked like Jackie O, though. She always looks the part.

Heidi: Despite not using that dope slogan, she was hilarious. She had a moment where she just announced she likes toast, and I’m still laughing about it.

Widow: Bless her. She took all the challenges literally this week. Ru tells her to be a cat, she aggressively attacks a yarn ball and goes nuts over a laser pointer. Ru tells her to be a politician, she goes for the throat, slingin’ mud, poundin’ her fist. Even after Raven was like, “Girl, you aren’t really running for President.”

Gigi: Okay, so, Gigi revealed she doesn’t get too much into politics because of the anxiety it causes her. Look, I get it. I can’t read or watch the news at least two hours before bed or I won’t go to sleep. In the weeks before the last election, I had dreams where I was watching the results with different groups of friends. That’s right. I dreamt I had groups of friends. Anyway, right before the results were announced, we were attached by Hunger Games style dogs. So, I get it. Her lack of knowledge regarding politics showed. I was nervous for my Gigi girl.

Jaida: Okay, she won the episode for me the second she called Jeff Goldblum a dinosaur doctor. Here we are, three days later, and it still cracks me up. She ran on a platform of confusion, which I thought was smart. Americans are a lot of things, confused is definitely one of them. She looked beautiful and was also hilarious.

Category is: Stars and Stripes

My favorite looks:

Widow and Jackie Cox.

While all the ladies looked lovely, I liked their looks the best because they also made a statement. Widow was absolute perfection in a black and white number with a killer afro. She was stunning.

Jackie donned a red and white striped caftan with a blue hijab covered in white stars. It was beautiful and said a lot about her culture and her thoughts on the travel bans. We got a little insight into this while the ladies were getting ready. I’m not going into it because I will cry. Again.

And the Winner Is: 

Jaida! She deserved it. She did great in the debate and looked amazing. Like she always does.

The Bottom Two of the Week:

Widow and Jackie Cox.

Ummmmmph. This was like getting punched in the gut. I’ve been kidnapped. Twice. So I know all about gut punches. For the first time ever, I wanted a Katy Perry song to go on forever because, as long as the song it going, we won’t have to see anyone go home.

I was crying, Goldblum was crying. It was a lot.

Our Widow Von’Du was told to sashay away. I was devastated because I love her. So much. She just got in her own head and couldn’t get out.

Guest Judge: Bloom and Blum

Add them to the permanent panel, please.

Rachel Bloom was a delight. Funny and smart, she got the vibe of the show. Jeff Goldblum, however, seems to have just wandered onto the set and they asked him to stay. He was my favorite. Maybe ever. He was inquisitive, interested, fully vested, funny, weird as hell, and handsome as always.

Quote of the Week:

^See above quote about JG being a dinosaur doctor.

Random Notes from the Week:

This was a great episode in a season of great episodes. This might be the first time in herstory that I’m not looking forward to the next episode. I don’t want to say goodbye to any of our remaining ladies.

Thoughts on S12E9? Tell us in the comments.

Okay, byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Smoky Lynx