So, last week I got my second Covid vaccine and, while I was thrilled as hell to get it, it knocked me on my ass. Straight laid me out. Last Saturday, I spent the whole day on the couch. I spent that time wisely, of course, I binge-watched an entire season of City on the Hill and watched Freaky, a new take on the much adored body switch comedy. This one set itself apart by adding a serial killer, the Blissfield Butcher. The BB was played by Vince Vaughn, who I actively dislike. Here’s my deal with him, he always, always plays the same role. So, I thought maybe, just maybe he’d show some range when tasked with playing a serial killer and then a serial killer trapped in a teenage girl’s body. I have the lowest of expectations and was still disappointed.
Here’s the trailer. It’s really all you need to watch.
So, I have a couple of issue with this one. Let’s begin with the serial killer. The Blissfield Butcher has no MO, no rituals, no victim preferences. He is apparently a drug addict who sleeps in a flop house full of animal carcasses. Look, I’m not saying I’m an expert, but serial killers don’t typically operate that way. But I can let that slide, I guess.
The next issue I have is the teenage girl. Okay, they do that very played out thing where they take a lovely girl, make her dorky/meek/timid and she’s basically invisible. Or, if she isn’t invisible, she’s bullied.
Then the switch happens.
Okay, so BB attacks our teen while she’s alone outside her school. At night. After dark. When a killer is on the loose. During a curfew. It’s some Scream shit, but not clever or good like Scream. Don’t diss Scream, it is the best horror movie of all time. I will lose my shit if anyone trashes scream.
So, BB stabs our lead with a magic dagger he found after killing four teens for no reason. When he stabs her, something weird happens. He gets a wound in the exact spot. The cops show up and don’t shoot BB, he escapes, and the two wake up the next morning in each other’s bodies. Vince Vaughn as a teenage girl was just okay. He didn’t do it as well as Jack Black in Jumanji. Also don’t shit talk Jumanji. It’s a good movie and a Thanksgiving tradition at my house.
So, he gets ready to go to school in his new body and decides peasant dresses and Mr. Rogers sweaters aren’t for him. He raids sister’s closet and shows up looking hot. By hot I mean she’s wearing pants and her hair is in a ponytail. That’s the only change, but everyone is flippin’ their lid over how hot she is. It’s very She’s All That, and I don’t care for it. If you can’t tell Rachel Leigh Cook is cute because she’s wearing overalls and glasses, then that’s a you problem. Kathryn Newton, who is just a doll, actually pulled off the two opposing roles better than seasoned actor Vince Vaughn. I will say, he didn’t dance, so at least there’s that.
Overall the movie was just mediocre. But, if you’re recovering from a Covid vaccine and don’t really care what’s happening, it’s an alright way to spend 90 minutes. Or you could just watch Scream for the 4000th time.
Now that’s how you stab somebody.
Okay, byyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
Smoky Lynx
Holland + Harper Productions 