We’re back with a new theme song and some old girls.
That’s right, it’s All Stars time and, you know what? I’m here for it…for the premiere, anyway. Because, I’m sorry, my dears, but I’m not signing up for Paramount+. But I did watch the hell out of the premiere, so let’s get into it, shall we?
The Cast:
A’Keiria C. Davenport (Season 11)
Jiggly Caliente (Season 4)
Jan Backpack (Season 12)
Ra’Jah O’Hara (Season 11)
Ginger Minj (Season 7, AS2)
Yara Sofia (Season 3, AS1)
Silky Nutmeg Ganache (Season 11)
Pandora Boxxx (Season 2, AS1)
Scarlet Envy (Season 11)
Serena ChaCha (Season 5)
Kylie Sonique Love (Season 2)
Trinity K. Bonet (Season 6)
Eureka (Season 9,10)
This cast, y’all. With SEVEN people of color, two transgender women, and four full bodied gals, this is the most diverse cast we’ve seen so far, and I’m thrilled. I was initially concerned about Silky and Eureka being on the same season because, girl, that’s a lot of personality. And sometimes not a great personality. But, so far so good. I love season 12, so was stoked to see Jan, who does not seem to have chilled even a little bit. Like someone said, Jan is so uptight, she doesn’t need to tuck. But, hey, I get it, and I happen to enjoy her level of lunacy and determination to win. I expect she’ll slay the competition…perhaps literally.
The Mini Challenge: The Library is Open
Oh, wait, there’s one final queen who needs no introduction. Our legendary special guest…Miss Piggy. Yep, because everyone love puppets! < I can’t believe no one made this joke on the show. They were clearly too star struck. And who can blame them? It’s not everyday you have a Zoom meeting with Miss Piggy, the queen of shade.
It means you’re the best, Miss Piggy.
The reading challenge is hit or miss. With 13 queens, not all the reads are going to be funny, but this was a pretty good one. A few duds here and there, but Scarlet came through with a zinger, calling A’Keiria the realest person she knows…from the waist up. #datass Miss Kylie told Ginger she was shaped like a deep breath, which would be mean, but her delivery saved it. And Ginger famously ribs on her size all the time, so it’s cool. Speaking of Ginger, she killed it, remarking that, based on the cast, her cholesterol is higher than Ru’s standards. Hilarious. Plus, she was dressed like a toad, which automatically makes her the winner. #glamourtoadforlife
The Main Challenge: Star-Studded Variety Show
Most of our ladies sang/danced, so I’m going to hit the high points only.
R’Jah sewed and got into a dress in 60 seconds. Like, a legit dress people would wear. And, like Michelle pointed out, she could bust out 60 in an hour and make a killing. #makethatmoney
Scarlet did this really cool burlesque routine that involved bubbles. Who the hell doesn’t love bubbles?
Silky can play the piano.
Jan needs to star in her very own superhero cartoon.
Yara…Yara did something with a breast plate that I don’t really know how to describe, but it was hilarious. She won the challenge.
Our bottom queens were Serena ChaCha (sing/dance) and Trinity K. Bonet (comedy). I was bummed to see TKB bomb. She tried to make the most of her season 6 standup success, and she just fell flat. She was nervous as hell. But, as she pointed out, nerves are a sign of caring. I think she really wants to be there and, ultimately, the gals sent Serena ChaCha packing…or did they?
Yara went up lip sync assassin Coco Montrese and lost. I mean, it was a good effort. Coco is just a damn good lip syncer. Season 5 was stacks on stacks of talented queens, so there’s no shame in losing to any of them.
As Serena was leaving, Ru was all like, “Not so fast, gal.” So, we have another All Stars twist. The real gag is, I won’t get to see it. In a move that is confusing, Drag Race All Stars has been moved to Paramount +, which I do not have. I’m not signing up for it. I won’t, and I shan’t. I already have 84 streaming services, and I’m not looking to make it 85. So, until this season is readily available, I guess I’ll be skipping it and recapping some of my favorite episodes from seasons past in lieu of recapping this season that I am actually hella excited about.
Alright, that’s all for now. Have a good week and, in the words of our queen Ginger, “Life is hard. Eat a carb.”
Smoky
Holland + Harper Productions 